Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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