If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
