Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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