those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
