I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
