I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
