oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
