I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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