...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
