You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
