Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
