i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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