so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
