lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
