have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
