i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you would pick up someone in the library
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
