I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
