my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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