My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
