I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
