Im at strip club and am horny
Non-Jews are for practice
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
