Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize