is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
