remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
handjob tips. give me some.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
