I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
smell my finger.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
