Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
