Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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