I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
