Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
