so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
