I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
