LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
