I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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