booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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