so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
