Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
