ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
