The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
