When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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