Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
