you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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