Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sorry my hands just texted you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
