I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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