Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
