I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
