so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
