you have to choose: penises or morals?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
