I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
