So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
