Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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