we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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