what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
