i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
