I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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