video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
