No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
