im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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