I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
