Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
