i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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