he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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