I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i love accidental penises.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
