my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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