there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.