Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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