I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
