hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
