You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
two words: eviction party
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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